Gary Barnett, the Next Coach at Arizona State

Even though he hasn’t been linked at Always Something Univ. yet, you know he’s the perfect candidate. Remember why Gary left the Buffs? Sex scandals. And what is ASU known for? Sex scandals. End of interview. When can you start?

Let’s go back down mammary memory lane. Barnett at Northwestern? Big 10 champs. Barnett at Colorado? Big 12 North champions 4 times and also a Big 12 winner. The perfect candidate to unseat Pete Carroll’s ass from the Pac 10 throne? Definitely. Because when sex scandals are already expected, they aren’t a hindrance. Just look at this quote from ESPN: “ ‘I definitely will go back if it's the right place, the right thing,’ Barnett said in a phone interview from his home in Arizona.” I know exactly what you all are thinking. “Sweet Jesus, he’s already in Arizona.” Exactly. And Gary, try to see if you can use Ms. Courtney Cox Simpson as a recruiting tool.

Use the porn star, Gary. Use it.

Mark my words, when Barnett is announced as the head coach at Arizona State, 99.9% of recruits that haven’t committed will immediately look at Arizona State. The man has a proven history and so does the university. 18 year old young men will be able to put this together.

A student at ASU just misses an
appearance by Courtney.